6. What is the proper way to deal with our anger and pain from longstanding offenses that may be continuing?
This seems similar to a previous question, already addressed. The difference is how we deal with our own anger and pain.
First, realize that that anger and pain cannot be fully resolved without reconciliation. We cannot wait until we are all "healed up" to confront or confess!
Second, we do find healing from God as we submit ourselves to Him and ask for His intervention:
1Pet. 5:6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,
1Pet. 5:7 casting all your aanxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Third, if their offenses are continuing, then you may need to mobilize help to continue your confrontations. Jesus is quite specific about that in Matthew 18:15-20.