Finding the Love of Your Life, Part II

Finding the Love of Your Life, Part II

Bible is quite clear about marriage: it is difficult to be married, it is difficult NOT to be married.
Jesus didn’t say that fulfillment is only available in marriage!
We cannot find our ultimate fulfillment in marriage, or family, or friendship, or work.
We enjoy the greatest happiness and joy when we choose to Find Jesus as the Love of Our Lives. That was the point I attempted to make last week.
In fact, marriage is a challenging pathway.
* In Canada, the divorce rate is just under 40%.
* You might say, well, why not try it out first as a trial?
Of those who marry in our country, 60% cohabit first.
How do they fare?
Their divorce rate is fifty percent higher!! Just under 60%.
Well, why try? Why not just pair off, forget the marriage license, maybe the wedding itself spoils everything!
* Of those who cohabit without marrying, after 5 years, only 10% remain together.

So, then, what if we do insist on pairing off? How might we avoid catastrophe? Ah, now we can find some help in THE STORY, God’s Story. In that story, marriage is described as God’s invention for the welfare and well-being of humans.

I. Remember Cain:
a. Self-absorption leads to disaster
b. Marriage and children do not compel blessing and approval from God

II. Isaac did not find a wife, so his father, Abraham, sent a servant to seek one, successfully.
a. That marriage lasted.
b. The fruit of that marriage was problematic: Esau & Jacob.

III. Jacob also missed the direction of God in marriage.

NASB95
Gen. 29:9 ¶ While he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess.
Gen. 29:10 When Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, Jacob went up and rolled the stone from the mouth of the well and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother.
Gen. 29:11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted his voice and wept.
Gen. 29:12 Jacob told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and that he was Rebekah’s son, and she ran and told her father.
Gen. 29:13 ¶ So when Laban heard the news of Jacob his sister’s son, he ran to meet him, and embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his house. Then he related to Laban all these things.
Gen. 29:14 Laban said to him, “Surely you are my bone and my flesh.” And he stayed with him a month.
Gen. 29:15 ¶ Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my relative, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?”
Gen. 29:16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.
Gen. 29:17 And Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful of form and face.

NETBIBLE Gen. 29:17 Leah’s eyes were tender, but Rachel had a lovely figure and beautiful appearance.)

31 tn Heb “and the eyes of Leah were tender.” The disjunctive clause (introduced here by a conjunction and a noun) continues the parenthesis begun in v. 16. It is not clear what is meant by “tender” (or “delicate”) eyes. The expression may mean she had appealing eyes (cf. NAB, NRSV, NLT), though some suggest that they were plain, not having the brightness normally expected. Either way, she did not measure up to her gorgeous sister.
32 tn Heb “and Rachel was beautiful of form and beautiful of appearance.”

Gen. 29:18 Now Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.”
Gen. 29:19 Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than to give her to another man; stay with me.”
Gen. 29:20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.

a. He saw and “loved” Rachel.
b. He was deceived by her father.
c. He would have been Leah’s ideal soul-mate, the fellowship of the unpreferred.

IV. Samson was deceived by his own impulse.
Judg. 14:1 Samson went down to Timnah, where a Philistine girl caught his eye.
Judg. 14:2 When he got home, he told his father and mother, “A Philistine girl in Timnah has caught my eye. Now get her for my wife.”

a. He saw a woman from a distance and wanted her.
b. He asked his parents to secure her.
i. The work of the parents is not condemned.
ii. OT parents are commonly committed to seeking an appropriate spouse for their child.
iii. The problem here was that Samson’s parents submitted to Samson’s
c. He was embraced, deceived, shorn, and died for his confusion.

If we cannot find love through lust, then can we find it at all?
V. Paul gave us a remarkable list of traits to pursue as maturing Christ followers.
i. That same list can serve us, then, on our quest to find a mate
ii. That list can serve us as we attempt to guide our friends, our children, our grandchildren, in their quest for a spouse.
b. Titus
i. Older Men
Titus 2:2 Older men are to be temperate, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in endurance.
ii. Older Women
Titus 2:3 Older women likewise are to exhibit behavior fitting for those who are holy, not slandering, not slaves to excessive drinking, but teaching what is good.

iii. Younger Women
Titus 2:4 In this way they will train the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children,
Titus 2:5 to be self-controlled, pure, fulfilling their duties at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the message8 of God may not be discredited.

iv. Younger men
Titus 2:6 Encourage younger men likewise to be self-controlled,
Titus 2:7 showing yourself to be an example of good works in every way. In your teaching show integrity, dignity,
Titus 2:8 and a sound message that cannot be criticized, so that any opponent will be at a loss, because he has nothing evil to say about us.

c. I Tim 2:8

1Tim. 2:8 So I want the men to pray in every place, lifting up holy hands without anger or dispute.

d. 1 Tim. 2:9
1Tim. 2:9 Likewise the women are to dress in suitable apparel, with modesty and self-control. Their adornment must not be with braided hair and gold or pearls or expensive clothing,
1Tim. 2:10 but with good deeds, as is proper for women who profess reverence for God.

e. What is NOT in the list?
i. Hot
ii. Looks, a “designer spouse”—bilaterally symmetrical
1. Cosmetics: $18Billion a year
2. Botox: $1.3B
iii. Weight
iv. Height
v. Intelligence
vi. Cool
Conclusion:
If we choose friends or a spouse on the basis of superficial elements, then we will be greatly disappointed and will do great harm to the one we “love.”
If we choose friends or a spouse on the basis of character and engagement in kingdom business, then we will find challenge, satisfaction and encouragement, along with the difficulty of living with a fallen creature!

Application:
1. What does this tell you about your quest for a mate?
a. Marriage is about friendship: not sexual intimacy, not having children, not being passionate toward one another. “It is not good for a man to be alone.”
b. Friendship is always about more than the two of you!
Therefore:
c. Physical, financial, social issues are set aside for Traits of character, focus on partnership in the divine Story, the extension of God’s Kingdom.
i. “IN LOVE?” Infatuation/Affection: does not lead to “BEST FRIEND” experience.
ii. SAME FAITH: required for best friend status; or, Jesus cannot be at the centre of your life.
iii. We need to find someone whose CALLING fits with our own: debi felt that she should be a missionary (this is as close as we could get!).
iv. You need to WANT to marry the person you marry. Feelings may follow later.

2. What does this tell you about your attitude towards your spouse?
a. When your spouse is a little slower, a little heavier, a little more unique than you expected him or her to be?
b. Solution: remember why you married, what drew you together, how you loved in the beginning? Chuck Swindol says it all in the title of a book he wrote on the topic: Strike The Original Match.

3. What does this tell you about your investment in your spouse?

4. How important is family & friends to the choosing of a mate?
a. In our culture, we think it best to marry for love; of course, then we can’t seem to stay “in love” so we have a difficult time staying married.
b. We need to get advice from people who know us well.
i. They can see companionship between us.
ii. They can recognize a common calling, compability.